Monday, December 1st, 2008
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8:47 am - impending doom.
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17 days counting today until i start my 8 year fucking prison sentence. what the fuck?
at this point there is still a possibility that i could get a better plea, but it wont happen and im not being negative (ive been so fucking positive) but im being realistic...only the prosecutor can change, that would never happen. my lawyer and judge cant do anything, the law is so specific with cops.
i have accepted all of this, and i always feel like it hits me...but i think when i walk back into estrella jail it'll hit me so fucking hard i'll likely have a heart attack right there.
im so frustrated, i've changed so much and i know i'll change more as i hope too...this has helped me....but then you have these repeat offender idiots who learn nothing and just get all these chances...how is that someone is genuinely helped by this that has never been in trouble doesnt get one fucking chance?
and i mean truly, this is a second chance cause im not fucking dead. but im talking legal chances.
and there is no denying that i was a fucked up out of control criminal, i will plead guilty all day long to the crimes i'm guilty of...but the charge sending me to prison is BANANAS!
and i mean i really dont know what kind of crimes should warrant what kind of punishment, but i know me being a fucking high as hell idiot scared of the cops that ran over a toe...does not warrant 8 fucking years.
i dont think like this...but this makes me nuts....you know we have this great privated lawyer, and he did this big letter and shit trying bring up all the reasns they should lower if not drop my cop charges...when he talked to my prosecutor to see if she would say if she was thinking about it...she was like "i dont know, lucas allready signed and i have to be fair"...one, ofcourse i dont think he deserves this and i feel for him...and i know we have all the same cases, but we are two different people...he has been in and out of jail and has priors, lied this whole time through court...well when he signed his plea, the prosecutor wanted to give him 10 1/2 years...but his p.o. talked them down to 8, so if he gets 2 1/2 years knocked off and fairness is so fucking important to her shouldnt i get 5 1/2?
ugggh, i dont think that way...but if thats how she put it to my lawyer and wont even consider easing up on me due to "fairness" i expect some fairness in this unfair situation. and obviously lucas and i have both fucked up majorly but i dont think he is a horrible person or anything...lost like me....but from a legal standpoint, if this lady is holding us in such comparison i should look really good.
my mom paid for dameon to come out here and visit me, he'll be here next week. so fucking awesome.
i love my mom so much.
it's weird there are so many amazing things happening right now but really everything is so depressing, but i can't tell the difference. i'm so numb, its like i feel like im constantly on the verge of tears but i cant cry...i might be able to get a laugh out, thats it.
its weird to write in her.
current music: radiohead - high and dry
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(comment on this)
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Friday, November 21st, 2008
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8:50 am - D.O.C.
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well back to jail on december 17th, getting hauled off to prison.
you know i thought i was prepared, i'm accepting...but i dont think there is anyway to be truly ready for this.
but im as ready as be, i know the classes i need to be taking in order to get a double associates degree and will have some time to also work towards my bachelors...i'll start paying off my little more than $20,000 in restitution.
i'm going to knock this out.
current music: sublime - boss dj!
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 17th, 2008
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5:37 pm - i could be the one that you want, so what the fuck yo?
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i dont like birthdays but im celebrating mine this year, you know i mean why not...next time i have a real chance to have a birthday i wont know any of my friends...so yeah.
i dont really know what to do with anything.
i dont know why showering feels like so much damn work.
current music: mindless self indulgence - tight
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Sunday, October 12th, 2008
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5:59 pm - another entry for myself.
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you know so much is happening in my life right now, i'm trying to take it all in strides.
but you know for like a second it seemed like things were almost reaching sheer perfection...but one, perfection is not real...and two, i think i'm making fantasies of my nightmares really.
eventhough i have been heavily submerged in reality the majority of this year, reality has really hit me these last couple of days.
i'd like to think everything im doing for myself to help me...to help in court...is making a difference. but i seirously fucked myself, im about to lose so much of my life....i am going to be at least 30 fucking years old when i get out of prison. i've lost years of my life allready, but 7+ years in prison....goddamn. i could just say FUCK IT and live like i was and just fuck everything and everyone off, cause i mean who fucking cares my friends and family will forget about me and i will become a person i dont know! but i do fucking care, and i was someone i didnt know and i cant do that again, but all these efforts at times seem pointless.
fuck, i am just so fucking confused.
but this song makes me feel really good.
current music: david bowie - life on mars?
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Monday, October 6th, 2008
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9:08 pm - fucking shit, fuck that, fuck you you spoiled brat.
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i dont know how this is still here really, or what would incline me to type in it.
life is totally insane, im totally insane. but considering the major things im dealing with, life is better than it has EVER been.
the last few years are horribly depressing, but i cant get myself stuck in the past....that helps nothing, but its hard to live with the fact that i more or less ruined the best person i've ever met...well that person will never be the same at least.
it's amazing what a horrible person i was, but i dont think i am now.
i am so fucking happy i saw lindsay saunders today.
also, crystal is the bestfriend in the entire world.
current music: good clean fun - song for the ladies
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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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9:33 pm - bbbbbaaaaaammmmm
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so the new house is cute and all that non-sense...but i've seen two roaches!
and i have a lot of fresh new bug bites.
and they said they cleaned the house, but i'm pretty sure someone shit in their hand and rubbed it all over the walls. but matt tried cleaning some of it, good old matt.
yeah.
we're really slacking on moving things in, people will just have to eat their food off boxes at the potluck.
i guess i'm stupid for wanting to do something like that, yay ideas.
but yeah, hopefully people still come...i better see all your cute little faces there...between like 5 and 6..yeeeeah.
current music: 7 second stuck in my head...yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh
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Monday, October 13th, 2003
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8:06 pm - i'm lame like dan now
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Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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3:07 pm - save a plant, eat a cow, i want beef..i want it now!
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uh yeeeeeah, a few things:
auctions are the best thing ever i have decided.
we got a really awesome cabinet record player that works for a $1.
tomorrow i am going to start moving my stuff into our hoooouuuusse, i need to call erica.
ALSO
yeah, i know i wrote this allready but whatever.
our potluck thing is on october 19th, which is not this sunday but the next...it'll start around 5 or 6.
i probably won't call all the people that iwant to come, because i don't like phones and i'm forgetful.
so you should just come if you're my 'friend' or something.
our house is on 9th st and hardy...believe me, you couldn't miss it.
so you can call me for directions if you care.
but i don't really have a phone, i use dans phone i guess.
current mood: food
current music: limp wrist
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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1:35 pm
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costco has such good pretzels, i would like one right now.
current music: mutha fuckin' pauls boutique
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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12:40 am
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my friends are sort of shitbags.
but yeah, october 19th (like two sundays away or something) we're going to have a potluck thing at our new house. so you should probably come.
but i'll actually call people and tell them about it, and if you don't get a call...don't come cause you probably suck.
i have a stupid johnny cash song stuck in my head, things suck.
current mood:  sad
current music: dans nails being chewed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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6:54 pm - more things
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we move in on the 15th...or i guess we could move in on that weekend, whatever works out.
i need to get ahold of spencer to see if he still wants my bed.
today i made meatball subs, they were pretty good.
and yesterday i made way good terryaki beef stuff.
i'm going to make potpies on friday for cathryn and her cho-mo.
food rules.
i hope i get that job at the sub facorty, joe should put in a "good word" for me.
i'm nice to people, when i need to be.
and now kevin isn't moving in with us, matt is..."fake asian"...whatever.
no one is reading this.
but it's kind of like hearing myself talk, sometimes i like it.
i could really go for a toffuti milkshake right now.
current mood: annoyed
current music: rolliiiiiiing stones babbbbyyyyy.
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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8:22 pm - hello again liveGournal friends
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i think we're moving to tempe since we can't move with andy and acacia.
2 bdr house with 1 bathroom for $625 a month seems reasonable to me.
there is a good chance i got one job, and there is an okay chance i got two.
i hope dan can find a job and we can move soon and yeah.
ALSO
if you haven't tried "veat" try it...don't let the name scare you, it's soooooo good.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
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12:42 pm - stufffffffff
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-cathryn did my nails for her school today, they look real red.
-i really would like to have sex, like would really reallyyyy like to...but i have a different infection because of the meds i was taking, so i have to wait longer.
-welcome to the dollhouse is so good, i'm dissapointed that my partner in crime didn't really like it.
-FOOD.
current mood:  okay
current music: 7 seconds : not just boys fun.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 12th, 2003
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11:02 am - lets celebrate
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finally, johnny cash is dead.
fuck him, fuck him in his hillbilly ass.
i got kicked out of creative writing my freshman year for saying johnny cash sucked, now he's dead..haha.
current mood:  happy
current music: $george$moshington$ - johnny cash sucks ballz
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, September 7th, 2003
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6:50 pm - the
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Thursday, August 14th, 2003
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11:24 am
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lastnight i convinced dan that i let my dog lick his ass and balls in his sleep.
yeeeeah, what a dummy. why would i do something like that? and how could someone not wake up?
gross
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(comment on this)
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Monday, August 11th, 2003
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4:37 pm - nothing to do at the moment = livejournal.
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it's really unfortunate to think that someone i used to really like talking to and hanging out with..i really can't stand now.
i guess change is good, but i just can't handle drastic change i guess.
and if someone is my friend, they really shouldn't make me feel bad about myself so who cares.
i need to sell all my stuff i don't use...i don't know how to go about selling things like my guitar though...cause i've used it like once so it's in good condition...but where do you sell guitars?
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